Enough is Enough
by add-duck
Summary: After Olivia's abortive attempt at quitting in "Control," the other characters decide one by one to leave the Special Victims Unit. Yeah, right.
1. Prologue

Late at night, Cragen sat alone in his office, silently cursing Detective Olivia Benson. It was her fault. She had opened the floodgates.  
  
Sure she'd screwed up four years ago by not believing Hillary Whatserface. Big deal. Everyone on the squad screwed up repeatedly. They were never disciplined though, mainly because it would be too difficult to find anybody else to volunteer for this job. What kind of sicko chooses to work in Special Vicitms?  
  
My sickos, Cragen thought affectionately. For better or worse, they're a unit. But now that Olivia had tried to quit, she'd put the idea into everyone's head. Yes, it had been ridiculously easy to talk her into keeping her job. But who would be the next to defect? And would they also have the conviction of limp spaghetti? Only time would tell. 


	2. He's no Stabler than anyone else!

Cragen didn't have to wait long for the answer to his question. The next morning, just as Cragen started the coffee machine, Elliot marched out of the interrogation room and opened his locker. Pictures of Maureen fell out. "I quit!" he shouted, picking up a tiny box that was conveniently sitting on the floor. He began shoving Maureen's pictures into the box.  
  
"What's up, Elliot?" Cragen said, in what he hoped was a conversational manner. Inside he was groaning. So this is how it starts.  
  
"It's that stupid ADA, Novak!" Elliot seethed, as he stuffed Maureen's prom pictures into the box. "She said I can't beat up on suspects anymore, or she'll have to cite me for excessive use of force!" Baby pictures, all labeled "Maureen" went in the box. "She's only been here a month, who does she think she is!" Elliot stopped to gaze adoringly at pictures of Maureen in a bikini.  
  
Cragen was getting squicked out and had to think fast. "I tell you what," he said slowly. "You stop beating up on the perps, except for the ones who really, really deserve it. I'll try to keep Novak out of the interrogation room. Deal?"  
  
Elliot's face relaxed into a grin. "Thanks Cap'n!" said Elliot, relieved that he wouldn't have to changed his interrogation style. After all, every perp really, really deserved to be beaten but good. Elliot moved to put the pictures back in his locker, but thought better of it and took them over to his desk.  
  
"You'd better bring that box back!" called Cragen. "I think we're gonna need it!"  
  
Just then Olivia rushed in. "I heard Elliot quit," she panted. "I quit too! In solidarity!"  
  
"See?" said Cragen, wandering back to his office. 


	3. Casey Novak Goes Back where she came fro...

Casey Novak stormed into the squad room, her poofy hair bouncing angrily with each step. The detectives had been chatting amiably by the lockers, but they fell silent as Casey approached.  
  
"I quit!" Casey shouted, grabbing the Tiny Box of Resignation and flinging open her previously unseen locker.  
  
"Why does she have a locker in the police station?" Olivia stage- whispered to her colleagues.  
  
"Yeah, why does she need one?" whispered Fin. "Ten families from my 'hood could live in that huge-ass office of hers!"  
  
"I hate my job!" Casey screamed, throwing a pair of running shoes into the box. "Everybody hates me!" The detectives all coughed uncomfortably as Casey threw in a tennis racquet. "I've never even won an objection, let alone a conviction!" Casey threw in a set of golf clubs. "The DA calls me 'Cassandra' for no reason!" In went a full set of equestrian gear, including riding crop.  
  
Casey stopped her tirade and turned to face the detectives, who were still watching her outburst in stunned silence. An idea popped into her head. "What if I went to the police academy?" Casey pondered aloud. "I could pursue my childhood dream of becoming a detective!"  
  
That sent Our Heroes into action, "Don't quit! You're a wonderful lawyer! We really love your fashion sense!" they all shouted at once.  
  
Casey paused and considered what they'd said, although her expression never changed. "Okay, I'll stay," she said angrily, because that's how she said everything. "Now it you'll excuse me, I have a triathlon to train for!" She stalked out of the squad room as purposefully as she'd entered.  
  
The detectives watched her retreating form. "Damn, I miss Alex!" Olivia suddenly exclaimed. "I quit!" 


	4. Munch Ado about Nothing

John Munch practically skipped into the squad room, his face alight with merriment. This frightened his coworkers, as when Munch smiled he bore an uncanny resemblance to a pedophile.  
  
"My Felicia has come back to me!" Munch sang, as he danced over to the lockers, "She wants to marry me! For good this time!" Munch picked up the small box that was by now a permanent fixture on the locker room bench, and began filling it with his personal belongings, which included several different varieties of illegal substances, many with the evidence tags still attached. "I'm quitting so that I can move back to Baltimore and spend my life with her!"  
  
Cragen had been hiding out in his office, praying that this wouldn't become a Quitting Attempt so he wouldn't have to deal with a happy Munch. But he heard his cue and sighed, thinking at least this one would be over with quickly.  
  
"John," Cragen said softly, "You know this can't work out. No woman has ever really loved you, and none will. Felicia will leave you bitter and broken-hearted, just like before. Can't we just skip ahead to that part?"  
  
Munch's face fell into an appropriately gloomy scowl. "Much better," Cragen thought to himself. Munch hurled the contents of the Tiny Box back into his locker, screaming, "I hate all women!"  
  
"What?" screeched Olivia, Taking It Personally on behalf of all women everywhere. "I can't work with a misogynist pig like you! I quit!"  
  
"Jeez Olivia!" Stabler exclaimed, exasperated. "Can't you let somebody else have the spotlight? Why do you always have to show everyone up with your quitting?"  
  
"I'm a child of rape!" Olivia hollered. "Who has more of a right to quit than I do?"  
  
"What?" boomed Fin. "No one ever told me that! All y'all punks've been holdin' out on me. I quit!"  
  
Cragen retreated into his office and reached into his bottom desk drawer for the scotch he kept hidden there. The guys were going to have to work this one out for themselves. 


End file.
